I am back!!! Ok, it was a long break, but you know, it was Christmas celebrations and family time and on 26th I had to leave for my skydiving holidays. Which have been absolutely great btw – 20 degrees everyday, 40 jumps, amazing people. It was a great end of the old and a wonderful start into the new year. So since it is the 7th already and December was more or less anyways only filled with Christmas preparations and the finalization of all the stuff for my new job which will start on 16th, there will be no lookback on the last month. I also don’t have any real new year’s resolutions, since I just want to get rid of my cold to get back on track. I never had a single resolution, therefore I also won’t have one this year.
Instead, I will follow the advise I read in an interesting article. It’s about the 10 questions you should ask yourself at the end of each year. If you want to read the article, here it is (unfortunately only in German): https://editionf.com/10-Fragen-die-du-dir-zum-Jahresende-stellen-solltest. So there we go.
What I did well the last year
I am proud that I was able to close a chapter of my private life that influenced me negatively waaaaay too long. It’s an amazing feeling to finally let go, to kick that person out of your life and to realize that you can look at a person and don’t feel anything anymore. You can laugh about this creature and let karma do it’s work. You are above all this crap and get the right distance.
What made me the happiest
Definitely-traveling. Either going to different dropzones to skydive or to just discover the world, when I look on my photos and videos, it is clear that these were the happiest moments. Also because you can share it with old and new friends, far away or just around the corner. So when my new company told me that I would have to travel a lot, it was clear that this was the right job, because even if it is business, being stuck in the mindset of an office on the countryside day by day, not seeing anything else than the same four walls is definitely not the right thing for me.
What made me fail
Well failing always is for many people something extremely negative. On the one hand – yes. No one wants to loose, right? On the other -as long as you learn from it- it happens to everyone of us. Don’t worry too much. This year I didn’t have a big plan or project, but the fact that I didn’t get up my ass earlier to find a new job that really made me happy instead of being totally frustrated and sad is something I would consider as failing. It influenced my life in so many different aspects that it was the biggest factor that made 2016 so difficult. Somehow I justified it with going on and not giving up or thinking positive. But to be honest: I felt it in my guts and basically lied to myself.
What I regret
Well, I usually don’t regret anything. Because somehow so many things make sense in the end that you don’t even have to regret it. But yes, being stupid enough to let that one toxic person lie to me even though I knew that it would happen and felt that it wasn’t the truth he was telling me over and over again, I might call regretting.
What I learned
I learned a lot about me, my person, what makes me happy, what makes me sad, about my strengths and my weaknesses. That leaded to a very important step after the last years: I finally said no, when someone treated me in an unfair way or just used me to canalize his own problems. I have a high tolerance level if people are going through a hard time, and I love to help people, to listen to their problems and try to find a solution with them. This is this problem-solver thing inside me. Because I know how hard it can be and am grateful for people that helped me.
But often I just was used as a trashcan or as “Schubserfrau” – a person that pushes someone else into the right direction, someone that finally kicks the ass the way they needed it. Especially when it came to men. But in fact, instead of a happy end, the only thing that happened is, that I was let down just afterwards many times.
This year, I stopped, when I had the feeling, that some just sucks out my energy. The truth sometimes is bitter and you don’t want to hear it brutally honest, but at least think about it before shouting at the one that tells it to you. I refused to invest my time into toxic people and opened up space for those that were good for me. Because just because you like someone very much and even understand his or her struggles, it doesn’t justify that they treat you like shit.
What I will change next year
So basically this year ;-) There is one thing I am reaaaally good at: procrastinating. In all parts of my life, I love to push tasks I don’t really like as far away from me as possible. Until a certain level this is fun. But sometimes it influences my schedule and even feeling good. And that has to change. In small steps of course, but if I don’t start it would be the procrastination of stopping to procrastinate, right? :-D
What about my goals
During that last years, I didn’t set up any goals anymore. The times have been too turbulent and too unsteady to be able to make a plan. My wish to build up a steady and strong relationship is something you cannot influence anyways and since October 2015 I totally gave up thinking about it (even of course I still have that wish just like anyone else -but hey: life is great even without it). Only the goal that I travel the world more often works well as I realized that I don’t need to wait for anyone to go with me, but simply discover this world on my own.
What I should do more often
Seek the silence. I tend to be super active, want to seize every minute of a day and get a bad conscience when I just stay on the couch for a day. But sometimes, this is exactly what you need. Over the years, I learned to calm down a bit and allow my body and soul times to rest. I feel that I need that more often, so I will try to listen a little bit more to the signals.
What should I stop
A friend of mine just recently listened to a conversation I had with another person and afterwards told me, that I am constantly justifying myself. I always try to explain myself, what I do, why I do it and so on. I didn’t even realize it until that moment, but hey, he is totally right! Of course there should be a reason for what you do. But I don’t need to explain myself all the time. And even more important, I shouldn’t always relativize, since it also changes the way I think about myself. So hey – let’s try to stop this!
What are my goals for 2017
I want to find into my new job and really be good. I appreciate this big chance and am aware that there is a lot of responsibility, but as well a lot of opportunities.
Since the job is just starting, I know that holidays might be a big difficult. But I want to go on a bigger travel in autumn, there are some nice destinations on my list and I really want to fly far away again.
So doesn’t look too bad right? I am sure, 2017 will be great. Happy new year to all of you!