Grey, grey November day

First of November, All Saints’ Day. I don’t know what the habit in your country is, but in Austria everyone, literally the whole world, runs to the graveyards to put flowers and candles on the graves. And to be seen by all the other people. Sometimes this seems to be more important than actually thinking of your beloved dead family members. When I was a kid, they told us that the old ladies show off their furs for the first time of the season – but since the autumn in Austria is getting warmer every year, at least you won’t see that creepy show anymore.

I am lucky, I was at our graves with my grandmother already yesterday. Since she is really old and doesn’t want to deal with the masses on the day itself, we usually choose another day to fulfill this kind of service. And since I had a day off yesterday, it was a good opportunity to seize the good weather too. Today it’s grey and foggy and I am happy to stay in bed as long as possible. I actually think I only will get out of it just to get to the gym or cook ;-)

October was a busy month. At work, we had to finish everything for the big trade show. Which meant stress, arguments, frustration and extra hours. But suddenly, when everyone was gone to Dusseldorf, the whole company fell asleep. The last ten days where calm and finally silent. Those of us staying at home suddenly somehow felt even a bit confused, because there was no more pressure and stress ;-) I had the chance to focus a bit more on my ongoing live changes and think things through. As soon as there will be a fixed plan, I will let you know ;)

Two days ago, I finished my skydiving season 2016. Unfortunately with a tandem video, not in Radfeld like last year. Radfeld itself was a blast again, even though I just could come for one weekend. Finally I could join some more challenging jumps and realized that I really made progress this year. It didn’t really feel like that, I felt stuck on my old level this season. It was good to see that in certain areas, I made a step forward. My tunnel season will start in three weeks, really looking forward to this. I probably won’t attend the Zell Pink boogies, since there is always fog and lots of people. I ‘ll see. It was a long and strange season – like the opening of my canopy. Turns, moves, sometimes exploding, mostly a bit lazy, but in the end something good overall. We lost loved ones, met new people, discovered friendships and had amazing moments. Still, there’s a little bitter taste, yet I don’t know.

Concerning my personal surroundings, I would also really like to compare my life with with that picture. But ahm, not really, since even though a constant and good process takes place, there is still no working canopy above me, which lets me take a deep breath and makes me start flying ;) Not yet? I don’t know. I had some struggles going on and I am very grateful for my friends catching me and kicking my ass too. Hopes, good mood and the strong feeling that everything will work out in the end were mixed with disappointment, feeling wasted and that a lot of people just put more and more on my shoulders, because a strong woman can handle it. I am really a person who wants to help, because I want to be there for people, you know? I want everyone to feel good and happy. I want to energise the guys around me, because this also empowers me. I want to catch people when they fall, since I was too and also want to offer to desperate ones around me the help I sometimes was longing for like hell. I could definitely be selfish and give a shit on certain stuff now, but I am not. But hey – supergirls DO cry. They are exhausted too. They also need a shoulder from time to time. They also need a little love and happiness. Some people just don’t seem to get it.

One of my friends kicked my ass by telling me I shouldn’t always focus on things that I miss, but rather on things I already have and I can feel blessed for. Actually this is something that I always preach other people, while, well, at that point I couldn’t see it, because I feel so many things missing right now. But hey. She was so right. So yes, again, let’s get up on my own feet, take care of myself and eject toxic people and things that are not good for me. Don’t think too much about the plans I initially had, look forward to new adventures and open up for the little good surprises, which are definitely happening every day. Let your past make you better, not bitter, right? If my heart finally would see it as clear as my brain does, it would be way easier though ;)

First thing to feel good about: I got my new car! I love it – I called it Detlef (one of the most awful German names I can imagine ^^) and I love all the space it offers and also that it’s a lot faster and comfortable than my old one. It’s a bit stupid to be so happy about something like a car, but after the last year it feels so good sitting in it and enjoy that little luxury.

I also started to cook more often, visit the farmer’s market and feed my body with good quality stuff. I reduced the meat intake, especially in the company restaurant. I need more energy and shit in shit out right? My sports schedule is getting more regular and intense, also because there are no more weekends on the dropzone (the good side of the winter break). I just ordered new running shoes as a little motivation and I think I will spoil myself with some massages. I am really looking forward to Prague and flying with Mox there. At the end of the month it’s my brothers’ birthday and obviously I am going to Vienna with my grandmother, because she insists of taking a look on his new flat. I still have to figure out which of my gift ideas is the best choice ;-)

So yes, it’s the last third of this crazy year. It makes me feel melancholic, because so many of my wishes and plans I had at the beginning after this fucked up new year’s eve didn’t work out.  On the other hand, so many good and unexpected things happened. Life is as it is and happens while your are making plans. And hey – there is still time left. And still time for some beams of light to fight their way through the November grey ;-)

So.. done with all the clever quotes, let’s get up and do some workout!

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