So it’s the first day of April and therefore time to look back what was going on in March.
It should be the month of restructuring, new beginning and starting into spring, and I have to say, in many ways it really was. Finally the days are getting warmer – no winter coats, no boots, but thin leather jackets and high heels and skirts and dresses. Wonderful! After the long dark days every beam of sunshine warms you up and fills your heart.
I fully arrived at my new job now and even had my annual employee interview where my two bosses gave me positive feedback. It’s getting more stressful since I am member of serval project teams, but that’s the way it should be, right?
I am cooking and restructuring my nutrition more than before, event though I have to admit that the last days were not too good. I already feel that my body says thank you in many ways. Now the time with all the wonderful veggies and fruits has begun and I love preparing them in all the different ways I can imagine. Can’t wait!
Since my daily routines started to settle, I can manage my sports units better than before and also my knee is getting better, even though I still feel aching. Also skydiving season started and I was super surprised that my first jump, a 6 way headdown worked out so fine.
A friend and I spent some wonderful days in Klatovy at Eastern and after some busy weeks I finally could charge my batteries. It’s always awesome to be there, it simply makes me happy. I met lovely new people there and also old friends. We had awesome jumps and great nights celebrating the 30 years of Pink skyvan. But there is one thing, that – besides of all the incredible moments up there- is most important to me: I gained back my inner peace. What happened? During the days I found out something that felt like slapping my face. Ok, somehow I felt this would be coming, but still.. In the first moment I just felt all the anger and disappointment. I wrote some really bad messages to this person. I just had to do it. During the next hours, I let all the feelings come up and felt it, I didn’t even try to play cool or happy. Then, I somehow locked them into a box and went away from it. Simply let it be there and be back in my real life. Closed a chapter, that will never be opened up again. You could also say it was like drawing a line, but not with a pencil, with a big, fat edding. And damn, this felt so good. I didn’t feel angry after a while, I didn’t try to get certain people connected with him liking me, I just did my thing, went out of their way and enjoyed my days. I can’t say if I hate this person now, there is this kind of anger, but which is good to prevent me from falling back into old patterns. A friend, who I was writing to during the hours before, sent me this quote: When you get away from the wrong things, the right things will fall into place. And yes, this was exactly what happened then. It was just very, very right.
The friend I was travelling with said, “oh it’s so good to see you happy again. You really sparkled when you went to bed last night. That is good.” He is right. I now realize how much that whole story influenced me, more than I thought it could do. And how negative this actually was, even though I could somehow rule it down a bit. But now, after this kick I obviously needed, I feel light, happy and relieved. I don’t know what will happen, but I don’t worry. Finally all my positivity is back. I am making plans and smile most of the day. And I have this warm trust of knowing that everything is going to be good in the end again.
April started with closing another chapter. We gave up mom’s old flat and I brought the rest of the stuff into a storage room. It feels strange to give up the place I grew up, but it has to be done.
Next week at that time, I will be super excited because I will get a new tattoo. I want to expand the one I already have on my ribcage with a rising bird, that carries an anchor. I think it’s a good picture of how real love should be: giving you freedom, while it’s an anchor that gives you safety. Maybe one day I can find something like that. On Monday we will discuss the design, and even though I know it will hurt physically, I am really looking forward to it. As well as to all what might happen during the next days and weeks. I have some very sweet memories that make my heart jump a little faster than usual. They will feed my soul on bad days and get me sweet dreams. They might turn out to be more. Or maybe not and there will be other good memories (even though version one would be my favourite right now ;-)) . I’ll see. But I can say from all of my heart: life’s good :-)