While I roll once again towards Vienna for some days working in the tunnel, I have time to think about the last month and what may come up during the last 31 days of 2015 that will start tomorrow.
November was one of these months that pass by so fast you hardly have time to think too much about it. Because of my many days in Vienna and the many miles on the road the weeks came and went by fast. I always planned from week to week and especially the one with the fair where I also spent my whole weekend in Vienna was busy like hell. Going away, working, coming home, spending a few days here unfortunately being sick, packing again, on the road again. One weekend in Germany for the safety seminars of the German skydiving association and last weekend celebrating the birthday of my brother. That was more or less all… I didn’t have time to drink punch with my friends, I didn’t really have time to cook or make cookies, I didn’t even really felt at home.
I tried to squeeze in sports as good as possible, which was rather a challenge and became easier once I started with the Runtastic Results app. Now at least I feel physically better than before, even though it is still a long way to get really back on track. I am already missing the sky like hell, usually I finish the season with some jumps in Zell am See, but this year I simply didn’t have time.
I tried to seize my staff time in the tunnel as much as possible, still there is a lot left, because sometimes I am just too tired to fly or there are other bookings. In general, I would say of course I got better, but there is so much more to learn.
And I am still looking for a real job. This really makes me crazy. I’d really like to know when and how it will go on. I hate the fact that I can’t plan and don’t know where my professional future will be. I even write applications for companies in Vienna and other places now, even though I always refused to live there. I would call this pure desperation, haha. I am insecure about my abilities and if I am good enough for anything out there. My self-confidence in that field seems to be almost vanished.
My private life is basically still chaos. Mr. H sometimes writes but more than a few messages are hard to get. Sometimes I have the feeling that as soon as it gets a little more personal than talking about the weather he just disappears. But honestly, I have no time to think too much about it, since there is some other stuff going on and keeping my head busy. Sometimes life is just so much different from what you plan it ;-)
H obviously will return shortly before christmas. I’m not sure if this information makes me happy or I just don’t care anymore, because it would only make everything harder. Actually I push him and the memories as far away as possible because I still can’t understand the whole thing and it hurts.
So december… It would be nice if this could become the month, where all clears up. I will go to Prague for a tunnel camp with our beloved Foxy Moxy and I am really looking forward to it. We will celebrate a friend’s 30th birthday. I even have already plans for new year’s eve, which I never never had so early the years before ^^ I have a job interview this week and hope to get some more appointments because I really, really have sent out a lot of applications. The work with my coach and some other little changes in my daily life show first results and I feel already more settled and happier again. So I think I will keep the strong focus on me and what makes me feel good and happy. The little breakdown in autumn finally seems done, so hey, I’m open for some good news :)