Yesterday I had my 31st birthday. 31 years! Hey that’s a long time. Even though I feel a lot younger, but still….
One month ago I told a friend of mine, “hey, last year I thought it was bad. But this year is -if you look at it in a realistic way- even worse. Last year I had theoretically a boyfriend and I had a job. This year I don’t have anything of this.”
Actually the day was cool. Bad weather, but totally relaxed and I didn’t even have to spend my evening alone. And some other nice happenings ;-)
Looking back, it was a year of surprises. Not necessarily good ones, even though I also try to also think about the good stuff too. I met awesome new people and had some great travels. I found out who my real friends are. And I learned a lot about life, me and in skydiving, which made me stronger.
I had some (partly scary) health problems and needed to undergo two minor surgeries, my heart was broken (well broken might not be drastic enough – it was crashed in about one million little pieces and I was suffering incredibly), I was disappointed by some people, I had to fight a lot at work and finally I lost my job and this happened in a disappointing and really unfair way.
Right now I’m torn between panicking and being scared about the future and the next months and having the feeling that everything will turn out to be great. Many of my friends are building up families and lives and relationships and careers, and I’m just simply feeling envious and like an outkast somehow. I also want to do this, but yeah, I know, I can’t force it. To be honest, I still don’t feel confident enough to even think about a new relationship, even though I’d love to have a partner. Difficult somehow.
But during the last weeks I have set new priorities and I already recognize that this makes me feel better. I focus even more on me. On sports and healthy living and I sat down to analyze where my strengths and weaknesses lie. I want to take better care of my friends and improve in skydiving and teaching skills. I already got the feedback that I am more relaxed and in a better mood. Sometimes this is just on the surface, but this makes me happy and shows that I’m on the right way.
So yeah, let’s look what my next 12 months will bring. My friend’s present was a travel moleskine. For planning, wishlists, memories. This is a great symbol. And one thing is definitely for sure: I will never ever fully grow up. I just don’t want to. For everything else: karma surprise me. But in a positive way, if possible. You did a great job yesterday, go on!